I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
