how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
