party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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