The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize