6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
