We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
COCAINE IS GR8
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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