Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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