Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
