Where did you get a picture of my penis
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
