Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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