I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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