You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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