if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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