weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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