I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
