True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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