Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
