My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
