there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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