i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
