Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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