i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
