I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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