He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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