I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
