Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
