Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
