am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
