dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
