I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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