the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
