Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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