i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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