Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
