Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
