she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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