you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
