My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
