mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
