So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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