I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
