Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
