She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
