Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
