thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
