one might say we're banned from that church
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
