I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is my gift to your gina
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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