I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
