I just made out with a guy for $7.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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