you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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