i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
