he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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