I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
