Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
