Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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