i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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