You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
