yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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