i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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