i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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