Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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