after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
